News

STARBASE 6 – On Stardate 2185.4, a 34-year-old Vulcan male was admitted to the Starbase Six Medical Facility, complaining of rectal bleeding. A Medical Tricorder scan revealed a live Tribble lodged in his anal canal. Traces of Quadrotriticale were also discovered, but appear to be unrelated.

LAKE BUENA VISTA - Only one day after Mickey Mouse appeared on Palestinian television teaching children about AK-47s and Jihad, the U.S. has launched a surprise raid on Disney World in an effort to capture the rebel rodent. The operation, which commenced at daybreak, was designed to take Mickey by surprise. So far, troops have come up empty-handed.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Who says George W. Bush doesn't have a sense of humor? In a stunning twist, it was revealed earlier today that the trial and execution of Saddam Hussein was all staged for an episode of MTV's hit series, "Punk'd." An MTV spokesperson explained that the idea came from President Bush himself, and was retaliation for Hussein punking Bush over WMDs back in 2002.

HOLLYWOOD, USA - Funeral services were held today for the man who brought us Yogi Bear, Tom and Jerry and The Banana Splits. Joseph Barbera, who died Monday December 18th of natural causes at age 95, was remembered fondly by friends and family as a man with integrity and class, who could take numerous blows to the head with a frying pan.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Who says George W. Bush doesn't have a sense of humor? In a stunning twist, it was revealed earlier today that the trial of Saddam Hussein was all staged for an episode of MTV's hit series, "Punk'd." An MTV spokesperson explained that the idea came from President Bush himself, and was retaliation for Hussein punking Bush over WMDs back in 2002.

Lothar here... This is great news for any Seinfeld fans out there... especially if you love Kramer, as it's a Kramer-centric episode. There's some bootleg footage up on yourdailymedia.com. Follow the link and enjoy!

HOLLYWOOD - Actress Renee Zellweger was hospitalized Wednesday after an unknown assailant beat her severely about the face with The Ugly Stick. In an unprecedented move, Miss Zellweger plans to sue the makers of the device rather than the attacker. "This sort of thing is going to keep continuing as long as a product like 'The Ugly Stick' exists," explains Renee's lawyer, Harvey Krump. DeFeo Brothers, Inc., the creator of The Ugly Stick, maintains that it's for entertainment purposes only and should never be used as a weapon.

Lothar here... I've been dying to see some footage of this film since I read the first draft last year, and now we have a full-fledged trailer! I really like where they're going with this. It's not just a Monty Python rip-off. The trailer is courtesy of CollegeHumor.com. Enjoy!

BURBANK, CA - A private plane, carrying New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez, ran into trouble while attempting to land at Bob Hope Airport this Friday. This is the fifth error that A-Rod's pilot has committed in his last five landings, for a total of 27 on the year... a career high.

TENNESSEE - Former Vice President Al Gore has contributed much to the world. His guilt over inventing the internal combustion engine motivated him to write, direct and star in "An Inconvenient Truth", a documentary warning about the dangers of global warming. But, as every school kid knows, his greatest accomplishment was when he created the Internet. But "those who giveth may taketh away," and Al Gore is ready to taketh the World Wide Web.